I'm so proud of myself! What's the expression?
Proud as a . . ." Today was a fabulous day (as a friend of mine might say). Began the morning with a terrific greens juice (kale, parsley, cucumber, spinich, celery and apple) and joined a friend for lunch at our favorite inexpensive veggie restaurant, "Bunch of Berries," about two blocks from the office. Convenient and yummy. I had a large salad with a scallion pancake and two small veggie "meat"balls. It was quite filling. Tonight I'm planning to make some raw nori rolls stuffed with avocado, tomatoes, greens and lemon dressing. (I need to use up my organic produce before it turns, and right about now the tomatoes are on their last day.) I'm going to try to get in some seaweed at least once a day from now on (good for glandular rebalancing), and I just got a large package of raw nori sheets, so will be having "sushi" a lot in the weeks ahead.
Tonight I'm hoping to get out of the office on time so I can get in a nice brisk walk -- my hydro appointment was put off until tomorrow due to a scheduling conflict, so I'll be able to get an early train home -- unless I have to work overtime. That's still a possibilty.
I have something positive to note here. Last night I had a really bad "sweet tooth" and wanted cookies or some chocolate. I went to my fridge to find something to take the place of what I craved, and as I carried a half pint of organic blueberries into the living room, I actually felt (not just "knew") that blueberries were even BETTER than cookies! It was cool. I really saw them as better than a handful of Gouchos (my favorite cookie, a peanut butter sandwich thingy)! This is such a wonderful shift in perception that I just had to note it.
Brings up this whole subject of emotions and food. At one point in my life, food became a way to keep deep emotions at bay. Because they were so painful, they actually became "buried" -- such that I wasn't even aware they were there after a while. (Psychs call the process "repression" and for some it is the only way they can survive massive trauma.) Since experiencing deep emotional healing, food for the most part no longer serves a purpose other than to nourish, and as a result, my body's in the process of getting "hooked" on more natural sweets. It's such a great feeling. When emotions are finally felt (
i.e., no longer repressed, but EXpressed), often the need to use gratifying substances to mask them goes away.
To expand on this a bit ...
From all I've read (and from what I've lived), cravings for unhealthy food usually start from trying to find a way to keep a lid on buried emotions. Then, from years of eating this so-called food the body actually becomes biologically addicted to it. So the BODY ends up bearing the brunt of what the PSYCHE wasn't able to. Sounds complicated, and if I hadn't lived it, I might not believe it. But I did live it.
This emotional (and now chemical) reliance on food serves to distract from the real issue buried out of consciousness. And if this reliance lasts long enough a person's body will eventually become a toxic waste dump. What makes this a true statement is that the body can no longer
assimilate nutrients properly). The habitual foods (empty calorie foods) do not satisfy the body nutritionally, so the body keeps "crying out" for more food in the hopes that SOMETHING we give it will nourish it! In the meantime, all we ate that wasn't nourishing gets stored as fat ... and stays there unless we become marathon runners or something akin! Thus the vicious circle is set in place.
This (imo) is the state of many Americans. Long past emotional eating, now their massively toxic bodies are desperate for nutrients. Problem is, the person is already hooked on the SAD diet (standard American diet) which is mainly crap masquerading as real food, so there are few nutrients IN it! This blind spot is kept well hidden by massive advertising campaigns and government-sponsored tampering with our food supply (genetically modified, irradiated, etc.). The fix is in and further failure for the fat American is virtually guaranteed. People in this state feel overwhelmed by "their lack of discipline" ... "their inability to change" ... "their disgusting habits", etc., and fall into such a horrendous cycle of self-loathing and beating themselves up internally that deep despair usually sets in -- a despair that becomes one MORE thing to overcome. It's why I have empathy for fat people. And why I silently pray for each one I see -- that they'll be enlightened and that help will come to them.
And from what I've read, the same vicious cycle is true about excess drinkers.
Knowledge about REAL food (nutrients/enzymes, benefits of raw vs. cooked, the addictive nature of refined sugars and flours, and the chemical dangers of added antibiotics, hormones, preservatives, additives, steroids -- all allowed by government, etc.) can only BEGIN to open one's eyes to the full picture. But this knowledge alone will not kick-start a person into loving their body enough to begin to care about it more (I had tons of
knowledge for years). Knowledge was not enough.
It was the emotional healing I sought and found that finally caused the scales to fall off my eyes about my own intrinsic worth. Then self-love overwhelmed me. It's the self-love that allowed me to change and break free. It was buried beneath massive amounts of supressed emotion -- pain unidentified and unexpressed. Once I touched the pain -- the floodgates of healing opened.
To some this may sound like pure psycho-babble. To me, it's the opposite. It explains a good portion of my recent adult life. It took a life-defining incident for the healing to begin to unfold. It was a profound encounter with my beautiful daughter that not only began my healing ... but has allowed me to arrive at the place I am now, continuing to get more and more physically fit. I am not where I want to be ultimately, but I am on my way!
And so I'm a happy camper.
