Tuesday, November 27, 2007

November 27, 2007: Last Post on "Rawsome Life" Blog - Moving On

When One Door Closes another door opens wide. It's hard to believe all of the locked doors I've tried. And you can't pray for what you want or what you'd have instead. You can only offer up your heart and ask that you be led. Life's gonna take you where you never thought you'd go. When you finally think you've got it down, it isn't really so. There are windows and doors you're not finished with yet. It's not always getting what you want, but wanting what you get.

I wrote the other day, "There is nothing like the sense of being vitally alive -- feeling there are new and exciting vistas ahead -- new and wonderful people yet to meet -- and new and exquisite experiences yet to be had." That is how I was feeling when I thought I'd turned a "corner" on all these emotions I've had recently (some of which I've expressed in detail on this blog -- like a cathartic diary almost -- more of a personal letter, really -- but that I have since deleted). Turns out that it's taken me longer than I'd like to make some "sense" of the whole thing. The pain is hard to shake and I found myself "venting" yet again in the post below -- an effort, ironically, to let it GO. It's what I needed to do ... "better out than in" they say. Now, if only I had a doll to cathartically throw up against a wall a few times, I'd be perfectly content!

Nah, I'd only be content if I felt heard and understood by the one person I wanted to hear me and understand. All it would've taken is a simple acknowledgement ... something as simple as an "I understand how you may be feeling"

... something showing empathy over defensiveness. Like I said ... we're all just doing the best we can at the time -- so I let it go. I let it all go. One day I'll make some sense of it.